Of Weddings And More.....

Its that time of the year again...when the roads are clogged with noisy,flashy,perfume sprayed, scotch drunk baraats...when your sleep is often disturbed by some not so distant loudspeaker playing "munni badnaam hui", "kajra re kajra re" or else the evergreen "mere haathon mein nau nau chudiyaan hain"...when your home is full of invitation cards and the refridgerator is bursting at the seams with the obligatory box of sweets which comes along... YES.... The Wedding Season..... is here once again... and has the entire north India in its vice like grip...

                                                   It seems that everyone you know,except yourself ofcourse is participating in the marriage marathon event in the CWG(common wedding games)....i mean, in case you too are participating in the event this season you probably would not agree with me and if you know me.. you would ofcourse call me up and bring me to task for all this insolent blogging and in case you happen to be a friend,i'm sure some colourful four letter words will follow... but you will be forgiven.. I cant hold a grudge against someone who has decided to voluntarily end his life...

                                         It is no minor surprise that,every year so many people gather the guts to say a final goodbye to a happy carefree life, and that too with so much aplomb!!! and as if the enormity of this mass dementia is not enough,they get seriously offended if you are for some reason unable to be a part of their grief...errrrr...pardon me... happiness i mean...
                                                     So many knots are being tied left ,right and centre that it is a miracle of no mean proportions that some of the knots dont get crossed somewhere .... and if you happen to be of marriagable age yourself(and non partcipating).. god help you.. your parents go out of their way to make you feel like some sort of a social retard...
                                   And if somehow with Herculean efforts you manage to retain some pride... fling your head with fake but much  practiced arrogance, and decide to "honour the occasion with your gracious presence to bless the newly weds" (cliched,i know... as if the newly weds really bother about your presence when all that they can think of is getting some privacy)...then you are confronted with the dillemna of choosing for urself the appropriate outfit for the numerous marriage functions...the number of which can be anywhere between 5 and 10...(i bet the marxists would be all turning in their graves with all this blatant ,in your face, capitalist belly dance)
                                                                                     Most importantly,one has to see that you are not caught in the extremely embarrassing, earth shattering situation of being spotted in two functions with the same dress... no  no no... and when social circles also happen to overlap... this could be a fashion disaster ...and this goes without saying that your clothes just have to be oooh! so perfect that all those who were heartbroken with the news that this year too you are not participating, will get a fitting reply...(I am sure I now sound as pissed as I really am)
                                                                                             And not  forgettong the matching sandals and accessories to go along...the wedding season could well be the end of whatever little money you have managed to save this year...on second thoughts,banks could introduce a a new series of loans.... not only for those who are marrying their kids off... but for also those poor souls who are forced to attend......and those in government service should be tax exempted if they have to attend more than a fixed number of weddings(lets say 7 or 8) in an year...

                           Finding the marriage venue is another test... with so many marriage palaces and farm houses etc etc in the city... and when your way is blocked by some baraatis who believe in dancing the nite away on the road itself.....taking a u-turn home isnt far away on your mind... but alas your retreat to the sane world is blocked by someother baraat bringing up the rear.... spotting some familiar pink turbaned ,suit clad uncle you heave a sigh of relief  at having joined the correct baraat...only to be reminded a minute later that this, sadly is not the correct baraat....as all uncles look same in pink turbans and suits.....
                                                                                 An hour or so later when you reach the venue,drained and at the verge of a nervous breakdown.... parking your car is...well....forget it, lets not go down that lane....
the bride and groom are as interested in you as your pet dog would be in knowing about the solar system and are in no mood to give you any more of their time than the perfunctory Namaste....(and imagine the way they were insisting that if you dont make it to the wedding its the end of all civil relations between you and themselves)..
and the catering ofcourse is bad...warm drinks and cold food.......and yes... your dress... let me assure you... no one gives a damn....
                                              And you drive back home, considerably light of pocket and heavy of heart, swearing not to do the same next year......and in case you too are getting hitched in the next season of madness, ofcourse your perspective would have changed...